Breaking the silence
So. First blog for a while. Why haven't I written for a while? Why do any of us stop doing the things that nourish and enliven us in exchange for the things which deplete and drain us? Part of being human is to dance between light and dark, to aspire for the greater spiritual freedom whilst also trying to exist day to day. For me, things shifted when I went to Greece.
My lifestyle completely changed. My periods stopped (and still waiting for those to return). I started drinking iced coffee - FYI iced coffee in Greece is strong and goooood - I started exercising in a more intense way than I was back at Bristol, I drank even more water than I do here (and here I drink a lot), and I started spending the majority of my waking moments outdoors rather than indoors.
Significantly, I didn't have a phone. My screen time and internet usage dramatically declined. In all of my various strands of work - yoga teacher, writer, fundraising communications freelancer (bet you didn't know that one) - I am required to spend a lot of time on social media, on email, on general being 'plugged in'.
Now, I generally think I'm pretty good at this. I have my phone on flight mode A LOT. I monitor my screen time. I don't watch TV (unless I am desperate and need to zone out of the pain/chaos/drama of life), and I have turned off all the notifications of my apps. Yet literally not having a phone for over a month really showed me how much of my 'oh-so-busy' life in Bristol was spent looking at my phone, flight mode or no flight mode. All the things I think are so important - like promoting a new workshop, keeping on top of emails, writing regular blogs - actually, umm, aren't. It's just that my ego likes to keep me busy.
So, you might wonder, why should this matter to you? And why, after all of that, am I currently sitting on a laptop writing this blog? To answer the latter, I realised that for me writing is creative and therapeutic. It is something I have done as a child, something I will always do - be it as a comms freelancer or avid journaller - and that perhaps, by not writing, not sharing my voice, I have stifled my creativity (and thus played a part in my periods stopping).
And should this matter to you? Maybe not. I'm not here to show you the way to enlightenment. I truly believe the light to that path is within us all - our stomachs, our hearts, and for women, our wombs - and that whilst we may be able to help each other uncover the light, the journey is a practice, it is work, and only we can ever do our own work.
Really I share this only to help myself. If you take something from it, that is more than I could hope for. Unedited, uncensored (and as some of you have noticed in the past - un-spellchecked!), for me writing this blog breaks the silence of 2 months of not publishing anything. Which, by the way is almost the same length of time since my last bleed. Just saying. Because, you know, menstruation, when recognised as such is a spiritual practice. And the spirit loves a bit of creativity.
To follow good blog protocol and leave you with something to think about: is that any part of your life that you're not fully expressing yourself? Are you afraid to express your views - in art, writing, music or dance - for fear of being judged? Are you holding back somewhere in life because you're scared of failing? Or are you just keeping yourself so preoccupied with Facebook/smart phones/diary filling that you simply 'don't have time' to have fun creatively?
Just a thought.