Becoming Invisible

I wrote this the day after the powerful full moon in Leo, with the remnants of a migraine lingering in both head and stomach and lots of tension in my back and shoulders. I wrote this in-between heating up a bean chilli for myself and attending to my five-month-old daughter. Such is the way now of my life as a new mother, self-employed business owner (I’m still getting used to those words) and explorer on a spiritual pathway. I hope you enjoy.

Becoming invisible is not something that happens overnight.

Nor is it something that others ‘do’ to you.

It is a blending into the background, an ever-changing camouflage of houses, trees, pavements, cars, or occasional blinding flashes of winter sun.

It’s an invitation to truly observe, the not being seen allows one to watch, noticing when one’s own judgment colours whatever one is seeing. Becoming invisible is becoming at one with life and with where you are right here and now, with who you are, accepting all in your life which is not as you wish, and by accepting, transcending.

Not bypassing, not denying, but gaining an elevated sense of perspective, if only momentarily. This will allow change to arrive, but only when we really truly accept the here and now.

To not be seen in a world increasingly reliant on persona, identity, status is a path we perhaps stumble upon, rather than seek out.

If you find yourself here, don’t worry. Don’t try to fix, amend, correct. Don’t fill your diary, don’t post on social media, don’t try to force yourself into the light, but rest here, for just a while.

Here there is peace, but it comes at the price of surrender.

In these early days of motherhood, where surrender is crucial to survival, becoming invisible is a blessing, not a failing, of society.

The failing is in our inability to understand or appreciate this process, and our lack of compassionate support to those who either wish to be seen but are not, or those who long to sink into the void of unknowing.

Rest in awareness. Practice yoga nidra. Breathe and feel your body, the pain and grief and fear and betrayal. Hold hands or paws with those you love. Hold your own hand - we have two, after all.

And descend into the cloak of nowness and all it brings.

By not being seen you might find you are really here.